I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
