My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
