The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
