He told me they were just razor bumps!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize