It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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