Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
