I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
