Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
