you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
