oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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