I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize