so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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