I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
