if you like me you must not know who I am
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
