I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I could fuck to npr.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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