I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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