evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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