so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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