i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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