A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
