highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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