idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
