went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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