yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
