I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
