And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
