I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
