Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
