I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
