I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
