This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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