your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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