what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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