Whod you bang
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
