Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
