I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
