Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
