Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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