I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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