He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
