So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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