Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
