There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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