Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
