Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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