Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
