At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
