The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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