Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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