I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
