Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize