Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
