The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
