she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
