Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize