so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize