Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
