The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
