hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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