Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize