I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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