I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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