Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
