I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
