i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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